A Joke taped on the lab wall....

A joke I found taped up on one of our lab walls. For Jesse:

Materials Science Group Discovers Worlds Heaviest Element

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by physicists at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory. The element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons, no electrons and thus has an atomic number of zero. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives the particle an atomic number of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force involving continuous exchange of meson-like virtual particles called morons.

Since the element has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in to contact. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium slowed down reactions by factors of 10-1000. This severe dampening gives Administratium many potential applications in stopping, slowing, or inhibiting most natural processes.

Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization where assistant, vice and assistant-vice neutrons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increase after subsequent reorganizations.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere but is typically concentrated in large buildings. Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reactions or processes where it accumulates. Attempts have been made to determine how Administratium can be controlled or dispersed to prevent irreversible damage, but initial studies are not promising.....